Being a Mother.

I have an honest confession. I never thought I would be married so early in my life, let alone a mother. But I fell in love with a perfect man for me. Any plans I had to finish my degree or travel no longer took priority.

I don’t see myself as liking being a ‘mom’. Rather I love being Myles’ mom. The connection I feel is deep and very different from any other relationship I have. I imagine other mothers feel the same way I do, but I am simply happy that I have this connection directly with Myles.

I found this picture among many my sister Sarah took for his one year birthday. He has been turning into a little boy lately.

Recently Myles has started playing with action figures. He has also started signing a little more, singing, dancing, and fighting to get his way…but best of all, he comes into our room in the morning and climbs onto the bed smiling. Today he also laid on his stomach with his hands under his chin watching his soundless movie. It was precious.

War Craft III Review

I played War Craft III for the first second time in my life. Andrew is a gamer…not extreme, but he does love to play. The first time he tried to teach me, it was horrible! About every ten seconds I would ask how to do something and he would get all frustrated. Seriously if you want to teach your gamer illiterate wife how to play, you must, and I repeat MUST be patient…otherwise when you suggest playing she will automatically want to scrub the toilet. Just teasing Andrew man, although you don’t read this unless I tell you to.

When I saw illiterate gamer I mean I seriously have played one two games in my life.

1. Jetpack. After three years of playing this I think I finally made it to level seven. Then I turned fourteen and had better things to with my life, like think about who I was currently crushing on.

2. Spore. In this game I managed to evolve into a land creature. However, I could not find food and died.

So, game 3. War Craft III. I managed to not frustrate my husband (for the most part) and I can move around, and actually can do stuff! Like fight…and explore. I am so cool. haha lol yeah……

Honestly though it is a very fun game, and not too hard to figure out. Granted I have not tried to complete quests. Mainly I follow the other guys playing, (which you can do without doing anything really. hahaha), but if I want to fight, well I can! All hardcore. Cuz I’m like that.

Did you like this post? It is very out of the norm for me. But I wanted to do something tailored to the few males who read but are not interested in the makeup/outfit posts…unless they are my brother and want to tell me I look weird. Just teasing bro. I liked your comment. It was honest. :)

What I think matters.

I don’t want to tell you what I think because you will realize I am not who you think I am. Maybe that is best, since I don’t want to be the person you want me to be. I want to have the feeling I have, and interpret them into what they mean to me, not you, not some higher opinion, some emotional expression, or scholarly dissection of my feelings. Please don’t ask me to formulate my opinions into something other than what they are, my opinions. My precious thoughts that have been formed from my experience of life, from my twisted mind, the pain I feel, the nonconformity that haunts me and what I was taught.

Do not label me. I do not come in proportions, serving sizes, or with instructions. I am not who you think I am. I think I am toxic even to myself.

But you do have the right to believe I am who you think I am, since I don’t show another side to me. I don’t show the vulnerable, confident woman. I do not express the woman I want to be, the woman I feel I am but rather a version of the woman I feel you, yes you and all of you, want me to be. But not you, or you, since this person’s opinion matters more to me…and I can think what I want, even though I feel bound to do it within these boundaries, which only confuses my opinion since it seems very hypocritical to think one way and act another. And I wish I could tell you that I care about what you say, because I do, but I can’t tell you because it will make me open to being hurt.

But I do give, and I give with my heart.