Just Living Life.

Lots of emotions lately. Both good and bad. Just living life here.

Ladies and Gentlemen…I know most of you have already seen my announcement via FB, I got a job! Good thing too. I have been trying to convince myself I don’t want another child right now but luckily now I don’t have to as I will have something to distract me! It also give me some money, which we could definitely use.

I want to share with all of you what the job is like, but I will keep the information limited on here because ya know, this blog ain’t private. But I will tell you it is an assisted living facility and I LOVE it! I get to do everything I love doing as a CNA and none of the stuff I dislike. I also get to cook for them, as you all know I love to cook! Baking on the other hand… is still not a specialty. For instance, I tried to make THIS CAKE (thanks Sunaina!) and got this. Perhaps not the most pleasant looking thing…but I thought it was delicious nonetheless. It was my toddlers birthday cake!

I have so much I want to share, but nothing wants to come out of my head! I try to write it, but nothing is coherent! So forgive me as I try to write some thoughts…and please note, I am not upset, angry, or hurt when I write any of this. I am simply defining how I feel.

I too like many women have had self-image problems. But I have found a way to overcome that for the most part.

I workout, to be healthy. Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, because it helps me with all of these.

I believe everyone is beautiful.

Sometimes I want to tell you all why I care about the things I do. But that is an intimate subject, and I already say to much here on my blog.

I don’t always feel pretty, but I do believe I am pretty.

I don’t think I am obsessive over looks, like my man says, makeup, clothes, looks is a hobby of mine. I agree.  However it does not define me as superficial or vain.

I try very hard to eat healthy. I do not claim to have had an eating disorder, although I did do things that would have suggested so, but that is no longer a part of my life, and has not been for a long time.

I also know how to cope with, and attempt to prevent my depression. And THAT took a lot of mental control, practice, and change.

I know I have said that I am happy with who I am today, and that it has taken a lot of work to become a person I am happy to be. I couldn’t have become who I am without Andrew. He has helped me become who I want to be, he is a huge part of why I am happy with who I am.

I know what feels good to my body, what is too skinny and what is to big. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to try challenges that push me to be more dedicated.

I have been stressed about not having a job, but I still do feel like the timing was right, and waiting was what I needed.

I am happy I am not the same person I was five years ago. I am happy I am not the same person I was even a year ago. Because now I am stronger, more independent, happier, have more love in my life, and know what matters to me now. There are still things I struggle with, still things that make me question, but overall I feel more at peace with myself, which is something I have struggled with for many years.

I don’t always like telling people the way that I feel, because I don’t like being vulnerable. I also don’t always know how I feel. I don’t want anyone to have an advantage over me, or have the ability to judge me. But no matter how I feel, people will always judge, even when they are not meaning too.

Smurfs aren’t cool. But if I was a smurf I would be cool. Now take it, or leave it. This (all of this) is me.

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14 responses

  1. Dear Annie, first of all, congratulations on your new job!! here in Spain is getting so hard to find one, and I’m happy for you.
    you are beautiful. you may feel you’re not sometimes, but you are, the same way you can be a happy person with sad moments. i’m sure even the most beautiful women in this world have bad days, and maybe your concept of your beauty can be confused by the media, because we see beautiful women (with make up, hairstylists and photoshop, btw) all the time, and its very hard to keep that look 24 hours a day. however, its good that you keep in mind that you are beautiful, but, most important, we have to accept that being beautiful is not that important, because there are so many worth things to be worried about that all the time.
    I loved this text , a lot, I’m happy for you and I hope my comment cheers you up a bit.

  2. Love your pictures and the cake doesn’t look bad! I’m sure it was delicious! I like how you write about your feelings. You should always feel pretty because you are! And I’m going to try to eat more healthy like you do. It’s so hard though, I keep gaining weight, like a kilo a week! The day after tomorrow I’ll start the vegan challenge, hope it will help me lose weight! I know for sure that it will make me feel better. I got your mail. Yay for the grade! Was it good? I’m sure it was! How is the job going? Miss you! xoxo

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