Guts.

Although I did not feel dark today, I feel this post should be accompanied with the soft piano, hard guitars and haunting voice of Evanescence.

Here is a small list for your listening:

Her new song, “What You Want” is very captivating.

As soon as I grabbed the apple I thought Snow White Queen.

 Hello.

I once sang this song. Although an embarrassing event occurred, I am proud of myself My Immortal.




 I am at a turning point in my life. I have come to the realization that my opinions on many issues are starting to solidify. For quite some time I have worried that this may never happen, always to be reassured that through the years they will.

I recently decided on a major. This came with a lot of advice, even from strangers. It took me 5 years to finally decide, and now feel a relief I never expected. I didn’t tell people at first. It wasn’t until recently I started mentioning it, and only because I figured it would just be a matter of time. I chose Behavioral Science and eventually want to get a Ph.D (at least a Master’s) in Sociology.

Sociology is the study of groups of people/society. I find it fascinating. I did much research on the field before deciding. The type of jobs one can get, I even interviewed a professor. (Eventually I want to be a professor teaching the subject). I love that it makes me think ‘out of the box’ allows me to use the scholarly-oriented mind that I was given, and allows a vast amount of creativity, something that I need in a career.

I recently got advice from someone I had not seen in years. They told me that I shouldn’t worry about only getting a job, because getting a degree can mean so much more than that. I agreed completely. They also told me that I never seemed to fully accept that I was smart. I find it interesting to see how others view me. Since I would never expect such a comment. I have been working on my confidence over the years, and that comment somehow tipped the scale for me, and allowed me to gain the exact confidence I needed to move forward in what I want to do despite what I feel others expect me to do.

I guess what I am truly trying to say is: I was able to come to some terms of how I really view life in general. I also understand a lot more about love. I never expected to feel this way. I feel I can be more reserved, and yet I actually have opinions on things! This is a very new thing for me. I have defined more things I value, things that actually work with my mind and how I truly see life right now. I have also discovered more about where I stand politically. And it feels very liberating.

I feel I have made meaningful progress, even if it only means something to me and no one else in the world. I often feel very influenced by others. I feel this is occurring less often and it makes me feel comfort. Simply to know that the decisions I make, although not completely void of cultural pulls, are to some extent my own.

Just for fun: A few friends of all ages have suggested that I be a model, or question why I am not a model. To you I say, “Find me work and I’m down!”

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6 responses

  1. I love Evanesence and the new song is great!! Love your look here. Your hair looks great and those boots are amazing.
    And so happy for you that you’ve decided what major to do and are one a path! My life has no direction right now!

  2. Great stuff on picking your major! :) I’m happy that you’re finding your stance and the person you want to be – it takes some time and it slowly shapes up as you grow older. So, take heart and just give it your all. And always believe in yourself!

    I’m loving your hair extensions and boots!!

  3. What amazing boots!

    Also, I think it’s great that you are figuring out solutions to a lot of things that have been stressing you out lately, it’s always good to find that type of peace with things!

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