Lots of emotions lately. Both good and bad. Just living life here.
Ladies and Gentlemen…I know most of you have already seen my announcement via FB, I got a job! Good thing too. I have been trying to convince myself I don’t want another child right now but luckily now I don’t have to as I will have something to distract me! It also give me some money, which we could definitely use.
I want to share with all of you what the job is like, but I will keep the information limited on here because ya know, this blog ain’t private. But I will tell you it is an assisted living facility and I LOVE it! I get to do everything I love doing as a CNA and none of the stuff I dislike. I also get to cook for them, as you all know I love to cook! Baking on the other hand… is still not a specialty. For instance, I tried to make THIS CAKE (thanks Sunaina!) and got this. Perhaps not the most pleasant looking thing…but I thought it was delicious nonetheless. It was my toddlers birthday cake!
I have so much I want to share, but nothing wants to come out of my head! I try to write it, but nothing is coherent! So forgive me as I try to write some thoughts…and please note, I am not upset, angry, or hurt when I write any of this. I am simply defining how I feel.
I too like many women have had self-image problems. But I have found a way to overcome that for the most part.
I workout, to be healthy. Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, because it helps me with all of these.
I believe everyone is beautiful.
Sometimes I want to tell you all why I care about the things I do. But that is an intimate subject, and I already say to much here on my blog.
I don’t always feel pretty, but I do believe I am pretty.
I don’t think I am obsessive over looks, like my man says, makeup, clothes, looks is a hobby of mine. I agree. However it does not define me as superficial or vain.
I try very hard to eat healthy. I do not claim to have had an eating disorder, although I did do things that would have suggested so, but that is no longer a part of my life, and has not been for a long time.
I also know how to cope with, and attempt to prevent my depression. And THAT took a lot of mental control, practice, and change.
I know I have said that I am happy with who I am today, and that it has taken a lot of work to become a person I am happy to be. I couldn’t have become who I am without Andrew. He has helped me become who I want to be, he is a huge part of why I am happy with who I am.
I know what feels good to my body, what is too skinny and what is to big. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to try challenges that push me to be more dedicated.
I have been stressed about not having a job, but I still do feel like the timing was right, and waiting was what I needed.
I am happy I am not the same person I was five years ago. I am happy I am not the same person I was even a year ago. Because now I am stronger, more independent, happier, have more love in my life, and know what matters to me now. There are still things I struggle with, still things that make me question, but overall I feel more at peace with myself, which is something I have struggled with for many years.
I don’t always like telling people the way that I feel, because I don’t like being vulnerable. I also don’t always know how I feel. I don’t want anyone to have an advantage over me, or have the ability to judge me. But no matter how I feel, people will always judge, even when they are not meaning too.
Smurfs aren’t cool. But if I was a smurf I would be cool. Now take it, or leave it. This (all of this) is me.