Emotional at Heart.

I am a very emotional girl at heart. And I hate this fact about me. Please endure me as I vent for a bit. First, if you don’t know what Relief Society is, let me give a really short explanation. At church, after our first two hours of meeting we have Relief Society, a group of women, where we have a lesson. Today’s lesson was on friendship. I KNEW when the meeting started I was going to get all upset. I even thought about getting up and just leaving. But I didn’t. So we go on to talk about how no one in the ward has friends…and then I ‘shared’ my experience of joining the ward. When I first moved in Myles would go to RS with me. He was too young for nursery, but loved to walk everywhere. And no one offered to hold him even once (this was over several months). Then when Andrew would take Myles into his meeting all the guys would take him, hold him, play with him. I didn’t mind for a while. But then it lasted so long. It wasn’t until he was in nursery people started offering to help me.

Of course while telling this I can’t just say it, I start crying, then getting mad at myself for crying, then feel insecure, then wish I hadn’t said anything, then think that people might think I just do it for attention (which is like the worst kind of sin in my mind! lol Even though that is not a sin), then think people will think that I’m too emotional. This thought process only takes a few seconds.

I hate it when I think people pity me, but I do like it when I feel like people care. I hate making other people emotional, because emotions are bad.

Then I think I am self-centered. What does it matter what people think about me? And does anyone really care if I cry in public? And why am I getting upset over something so stupid? I know a lot of it is because if I had a friend in the ward at the time I wouldn’t have worried nearly as much. Also if my sisters where there they would be dying to hold Myles for a few minutes.

I actually try really hard to help other people with their kids. I try to bring toys, and to hold them for a bit. I know many people don’t even think about things like this, and it’s not in their personality to go pick up some strangers kid, so in truth it wasn’t a big deal. So again, why am I getting upset? Oh yeah, because I am crying in front of all these girls who I already think judge me and the others intimidate me because they are beautiful, smart, and have stronger convictions to the church than me.

It is slightly annoying, because I don’t normally show my emotions like that, and I think people in my ward think that I am more of a crybaby than I truly am. I am happy, I am very content, so why do I always come off that I am not?

I normally don’t like commenting in Relief Society, simply because I can’t control my emotions when they start coming. I think I have cried more in this ward than any other I have been in, besides my hometown ward when my brother left home.

On a happier note, I went to the library and got a book about table settings. Andrew and I got new dishes!!! Super excited. Here are my ‘fancy’ dinner pictures.I am wearing my pearl necklace Andrew’s mom gave me, and you can see the design of my Lia Sophia bracelet! I can’t wait to show you the other things I got/am getting! I also had fun with my makeup today. I did a lovely orange color on my cheeks, and the hot pink as eye liner, with a sparkly nude lip. I like it better in person, but these photo’s aren’t to shabby. xoxo, have a wonderful Sunday.

And thanks Sharsti for reading my blog! lol And everyone else of course~

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14 responses

  1. I didn’t think you were emotional at all. Lots of girls cry when sharing from their heart. It’s actually a talent. Elder Eyring has this talent and I love that about him. I wish I could show my emotions more. You’re comments we’re great! Love the table setting!

  2. Emotions are not bad! You need to readjust your thinking. Emotions make it so that we can feel close to each other and love each other! I bet some people in the ward feel the same way that you do and feel closer to you now. Be open to those who will now open up to you. Try not to be embarrassed or pitied. I know I am not one to talk because I don’t do this, but I know it helps if I try to do these things. Good luck! And remember I love you and totally would hold Myles all the time. It is really hard not to have family around who want to help.

  3. I really like this post. I too feel like this at times but not around others, just my husband (the whole emotional part). I think that it you explain things so well. … on a happy note I like how you went and got a dinning book and new dishes, those are cute and I want to know where you got that vase (orange juice pourer thingy, haha) I like that a lot. I also like the orange blush it looks really good on you. Oh and Veronica is with me right now and she really likes the “cat” (chicktopia symbol) and keeps saying hi to the picture of you and Myles, haha :)

  4. Sometimes ppl are conditioned as a child not to show emotion. “Don’t be a baby”, ect. I used to feel the same way. Just remember your true friends will accept you the way you are. And, think abt how you would feel if you were the person sitting next to someone feeling emotional. I don’t think ppl think as harshly abt ppl who are emotional as you think, well women anyway. Just a thought…

  5. Forgot something I was gonna say- lol. It always helps me to try to look at things from other ppls points of veiw. I always used to wonder why I couldn’t understand why no one would ever help me, when I really needed it. Then, I realized that I don’t act or look like I need help, and I don’t ask for help. I’m sure if my kids were running around like a maniac and my hair was sticking out in a million places and I was yelling “SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!”, I probably would have gotten more help. Just another thought…

  6. I think it is great that you are able to say what you feel and even write about it. Sometimes it happens that we fall into the rut of a cycle of behaving a certain way when we are among a ‘certain’ set of people. It happens to me too, while I am all put together and calm in some places … others always evoke anger and anxiety … and I know before entering that what is going to happen. However, I commend you strength to write about it here. I know I wouldn’t have.

  7. I’m very emotional too. Friday was graduation for DeVry University. Because I work there I go to all 3 ceremonies a year and I usually get teary eyed just because its such a happy time for everyone. But this time I was crying like a crazy person. It was So embarrassing! If I lived near you I would love to hold Myles. I love kids. I hope that when I have kids people will help me out.

  8. I think having a good cry every now and then is really good for you. It lets your emotions out and lets you be free. It’s all completely natural.
    Definitely don’t be intimidated by the other girls. You’re really gorgeous and intelligent. And if I was nearby, I’d definitely be there playing with Myles all the time!

    You look gorgeous in the pictures as well. I love the necklace.

  9. Thanks for sharing, Annie. I really would’ve never offered to hold someone’s child just because I didn’t realize moms felt like that. I will hold a baby next Sunday just for you.

    And emotions aren’t bad. They’re natural! Let them come.

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