I am a very emotional girl at heart. And I hate this fact about me. Please endure me as I vent for a bit. First, if you don’t know what Relief Society is, let me give a really short explanation. At church, after our first two hours of meeting we have Relief Society, a group of women, where we have a lesson. Today’s lesson was on friendship. I KNEW when the meeting started I was going to get all upset. I even thought about getting up and just leaving. But I didn’t. So we go on to talk about how no one in the ward has friends…and then I ‘shared’ my experience of joining the ward. When I first moved in Myles would go to RS with me. He was too young for nursery, but loved to walk everywhere. And no one offered to hold him even once (this was over several months). Then when Andrew would take Myles into his meeting all the guys would take him, hold him, play with him. I didn’t mind for a while. But then it lasted so long. It wasn’t until he was in nursery people started offering to help me.
Of course while telling this I can’t just say it, I start crying, then getting mad at myself for crying, then feel insecure, then wish I hadn’t said anything, then think that people might think I just do it for attention (which is like the worst kind of sin in my mind! lol Even though that is not a sin), then think people will think that I’m too emotional. This thought process only takes a few seconds.
I hate it when I think people pity me, but I do like it when I feel like people care. I hate making other people emotional, because emotions are bad.
Then I think I am self-centered. What does it matter what people think about me? And does anyone really care if I cry in public? And why am I getting upset over something so stupid? I know a lot of it is because if I had a friend in the ward at the time I wouldn’t have worried nearly as much. Also if my sisters where there they would be dying to hold Myles for a few minutes.
I actually try really hard to help other people with their kids. I try to bring toys, and to hold them for a bit. I know many people don’t even think about things like this, and it’s not in their personality to go pick up some strangers kid, so in truth it wasn’t a big deal. So again, why am I getting upset? Oh yeah, because I am crying in front of all these girls who I already think judge me and the others intimidate me because they are beautiful, smart, and have stronger convictions to the church than me.
It is slightly annoying, because I don’t normally show my emotions like that, and I think people in my ward think that I am more of a crybaby than I truly am. I am happy, I am very content, so why do I always come off that I am not?
I normally don’t like commenting in Relief Society, simply because I can’t control my emotions when they start coming. I think I have cried more in this ward than any other I have been in, besides my hometown ward when my brother left home.
On a happier note, I went to the library and got a book about table settings. Andrew and I got new dishes!!! Super excited. Here are my ‘fancy’ dinner pictures.I am wearing my pearl necklace Andrew’s mom gave me, and you can see the design of my Lia Sophia bracelet! I can’t wait to show you the other things I got/am getting! I also had fun with my makeup today. I did a lovely orange color on my cheeks, and the hot pink as eye liner, with a sparkly nude lip. I like it better in person, but these photo’s aren’t to shabby. xoxo, have a wonderful Sunday.
And thanks Sharsti for reading my blog! lol And everyone else of course~